you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
