It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
