Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
