Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
