maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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