she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
