Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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