I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
