I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
