Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
did i walk over a car last night?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
