READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. š
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him āBeast Modeā. So. Many. Orgasms.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
