Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm like, not good at living.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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