He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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