I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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