we're chasing vodka with high fives
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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