thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
