A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
