Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
