And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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