Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
