I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
