Pregnant stripper...not hot.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
