I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
