booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
