Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
