i need an iv and a liver transplant
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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