How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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