Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
