I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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