i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
