it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
