I just cut my nipple shaving
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
