good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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