Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
