He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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