You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
