can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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