my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
