Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
