this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
