ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
