I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
