Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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