I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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