It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
