It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
