can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We have started to decorate penises.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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