so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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