Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
