Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
