No stitches, just platelets and will power
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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